“He was screaming at me. That was the maddest he had ever been. He wasn’t really someone to yell or get mad because he was so easygoing. It didn’t take long for him to stop being mad. He took [me and my friends] to Burger King and was like, ‘I’m sorry guys, I’m done being mad.’”
This was Nov. 22, 2011, when freshman Kaitlyn Jones and her friends didn’t meet her father where they said they would. This is Jones’ last memory of her dad before he passed away two days later on Thanksgiving.
Interviewed in early November, Jones told her story.
“It’s not really a holiday anymore and Thanksgiving was our favorite holiday. He died on Nov. 24, and this year Thanksgiving is on Nov. 22 … so I kind of have to do it twice,” Jones said.
Jones’ father was out early headed to McDonald’s when a deer ran out in the middle of the road. He swerved off of the Haw River bridge, on 15-501, flipped his car twice and was ejected from the vehicle. He died on impact.
Back at a friend’s house Jones received a phone call from family friend Shannon Wolfgang, who Jones says was hysterically crying and really confused.
“[Shannon] didn’t know where he was or what was happening,” Jones said. “We didn’t know what to do, so we went to the police station to file a missing persons report. It was about 10 o’clock in the morning when they announced him dead.”
At first, Jones couldn’t believe it.
“I was shocked. I was thinking of different scenarios in my head but the only thing I could put together was that he was in a car accident,” Jones said.
Like most people, Jones was expecting to have her dad for much longer. The fact that his death was so unexpected is what she says was one of the worst parts.
“I never would have thought that he would have died that way. I didn’t really know what to do. I remember going back to my house and I really thought I was going to throw up, so I just went to sleep. When I woke up, I remember thinking ‘What just happened?’” Jones said. “I didn’t think he was dead; it was kind of like he was on a long business trip the first couple weeks. Even now, I still don’t fully get it.”
A few days after the accident, Jones went to the Haw River Bridge to let balloons with letters attached go in remembrance of her dad.
“We found pieces of his car and I was envisioning what happened in my head, and that was just terrible,” Jones said. “[After the accident], I used to get really overwhelmed [when crossing the bridge] and I wouldn’t look, but it has gotten a lot better though. I mean, I wish I didn’t have to cross it every day to go to school, but there is nothing I can do about it.”
Jones’ parents were divorced, and she says that she has never had a good relationship with her mother who lives in Raleigh with Jones’ younger sister, Caroline. Jones’ grandmother has full custody of Jones but she lives with Wolfgang, whom she calls Aunt Shannon.
“I know that I need parents or a parental figure in my life, so that’s what I kind of look up to my Aunt Shannon as,” Jones said. “She’s like my best friend, my aunt and my mom. She loves me like I’m her own daughter.”
It was hard for Jones not to shut everything and everyone out after the accident, but she knows she has a sister to be strong for as well.
“[My sister] is only nine years old, she’s just a baby and really needs her dad. They didn’t really get to spend a lot of time together so I had to reassure her that he loved her with everything he had, he would always be there for her and that he didn’t leave,” Jones said. “I tried not to cry around her because I didn’t want her to be in pain. I knew how much I was hurting and I didn’t want to see her cry, too. It would have made me hurt more.”
Although it has only been a year and there is still a lot of pain, it is not as crippling as it used to be.
“My dad wouldn’t want me to be sad,” Jones said. “Of course I’m going to be sad and cry about it all the time, but that’s not what he wants me doing. He wants me making him proud and doing something successful and productive with my life.”
Little things like the missing face in a family photograph, the empty seat at the dinner table and sporting events that she knew her dad would attend in a heartbeat are just a few of the hardships Jones faces on a daily basis.
“I think the main thing that is really hard is not being able to hear his voice and hug him whenever I want to; he used to give the best hugs,” Jones said. “Everything is really hard but the worst part is not being able to talk to him or see him ever again.”
Even though not much good can come of these horrible events, there is room for growth even in the worst of situations.
“After my dad died, I didn’t really care what people said about me because it made me realize what the really important things are in life,” Jones said. “[You need to] cherish every single moment in life with everyone, because you never know what can happen.”
Jones says her dad was the closest person to her and would give anything to be with him one last time.
“[If I could talk to him one last time] I would tell him how much I love him and how I would see him again [in heaven], what he meant to me and the impact he had on my life,” she said.
Jones realizes that she can take her experience and help others who are going through her same situation. She wants kids just like her who are struggling with a death of a loved one to remember that it will get better.
“Do what you love to do. Don’t really think about what it’s teaching you. Although something terrible and upsetting just happened to you, you have to see the good in it. Even though there is not much good, you have to understand that you’re a stronger person because of this,” Jones said. “That’s what your parents want you to do. You can’t let it affect you in a negative way, you really have to turn it around and say, ‘I’m going to make you proud one day.’”
— By Ally DeJong