Drew Scott rode in the car with his mom with a lot on his mind.
“Would you love me no matter what?” he asked.
“Yeah, of course, what is this about?”
Scared at the moment, Scott replied, “Never mind, I’ll save it for tomorrow.”
But his mom persisted and kept questioning him over text when they got home.
“I think she knew for awhile, she just didn’t want to accept it,” Scott said.
Behind a locked door Scott’s mother was in the room texting him but wouldn’t speak with him face to face. She “couldn’t handle it at the moment.”
“You’re going to hell. This isn’t right and it’s not natural.”
These were the words that Scott read when he told his mom he was gay.
Scott, which is not his real name, first knew he was gay in eighth grade, but kept it a secret.
“The signs were there that I liked the same sex as me, but I had been denying it for a long time. When I finally realized who I was, I was scared, honestly,” Scott said.
Everyone’s “coming out” experiences are different, some easier than others, but the feelings are pretty much the same: fear. Fear that people won’t be accepting and bullying will begin or increase.
“I saw that people weren’t really accepting of gay people, and I didn’t want it to be like that. I wanted to have my same group of friends. I didn’t want anybody’s thoughts or opinions of me to change so I just kept it a secret,” Scott said.
Unlike his original expectations, “coming out,” was a big relief for Scott.
“I knew my mom’s opinion already, so I had braced myself for that for a really long time. As soon as I told her, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I went to sleep happy because now everyone knew and I didn’t have to keep it a secret anymore,” Scott said.
Scott said that telling his friends, who he told first, was a whole different experience.
“When I told my friends, it was a lot easier. My closest friends, I didn’t even have to tell, they just knew,” he said.
Lying and deceiving others was something Scott didn’t wish to do any longer.
“Nothing was worse than being in the closet because you knew who you were and that was really hard to deal with, not telling anybody. If you come out the worst thing that can happen to you is ridicule, which can hurt a lot, but you will get over it,” Scott said.
Scott has not yet had any relationships with the same sex but says it’s impossible not to know if you’re gay. His sister even asked if this was just a possible “phase” he was going through.
“If you see a girl you are either not attracted to them or you are attracted to them, and you see a guy and you’re either attracted to them or not attracted to them,” Scott said. “I don’t see growing out of this. I can see you growing out of liking Ke$ha or Britney Spears but this is so much more than a silly trend, it’s who you are. It’s like saying to a straight person it’s just a phase that they like the opposite sex.”
Being gay will affect a student’s life. While physical abuse is less common, verbal abuse is a daily struggle.
According to a recent study in “Gay Lesbian Straight Educator’s Network,” students hear anti-gay epithets 25 times a day, and teachers fail to respond to these comments 97 percent of the time.
“One time, I was standing in the lunch line and I was looking over a guy’s shoulder to see what there was for lunch and I might have been a little close to him. He turns around and sees me so I step back a few steps and he turns to his friend and says, ‘I’m about to punch this faggot in the face,’” Scott said.
Although the guy in the lunch line didn’t know Scott was gay, it was the casual use of the word that is the most frustrating to him.
“I would just get really sad. It just ruins your day when somebody says that. You just replay it in your mind over and over again and can’t get it out of your head,” Scott said. “I don’t see how it’s a valid insult. People think that calling someone gay should hurt their feelings and put them down when really it shouldn’t.”
Since “coming out” to people, Scott says he has received less bullying.
“Now that I came out, I’m more comfortable. People who are harsh towards gay people, I see them and I hear them still, but it’s not as bad,” Scott said. “I would probably stand up for myself now when back then I would just lay down and complain to my friends, feel really bad, go home and sleep the rest of the day away, come back to school and be depressed.”
Familiar names like Tyler Clementi and Jamie Hubley, are just two examples of bullying leading to the worst outcome: suicide.
“It makes me feel really grateful that my situation isn’t so severe. I also wonder how it could get so bad that someone could even consider doing that, but then I go to school the next day, and it answers my question. Teenagers can just be so mean sometimes,” Scott said.
Unlike other gay students who have awful memories from high school, Scott says things have been okay at Northwood, and has mixed feelings about the future.
“In some ways [I think it will get better after high school]. I will have more freedom and I won’t be forced to be around people who don’t accept me,” Scott said. “But my life isn’t so bad in high school. I’ll be on my own, I won’t be able to have teachers to protect me. I won’t be able to call someone out for bullying and send them to [school administrators].”
Scott shared advice to lesbian, gay or transgender students who struggle with the decision of when to come out.
“Anybody who is in the closet, don’t come out because you feel pressured to. Come out when you feel it’s safe for you. You should never be rushed to do it,” Scott said. “You know who you are, and your safety is more important than people knowing that your sexuality is different from others. I would rather you be alive than out.”
Still, the hardships of not being accepted don’t stop with bullying; only nine states in the U.S. have legalized gay marriage.
“I don’t see why anybody should have unequal rights, on anything. Why should anyone have fewer rights because of who they’re attracted to?” Scott said. “I don’t see myself getting married anytime soon, but to see other people who really want to and can’t because of the government, makes me upset. Marriage should be defined as people who are in love with each other and share that special kind of interest, regardless of sex.”
Many argue that the Bible says marriage is defined between a man and a woman.
“It doesn’t affect them and this isn’t their life, so who are they to tell people who they can be with?” Scott said.
But Scott is optimistic about the country eventually legalizing gay marriage.
“Now it’s sexuality, years ago, it was race. You look into the history books and [our country] overcame those things. Generations from now we will look back and laugh because it’s so stupid to discriminate against people for something they can’t control.”
— By Ally DeJong