My thoughts are running in circles, my heart is racing, my hands are trembling, I can barely catch my breath, I’m beginning to break a sweat and I’m sick to my stomach.
If I’m being completely honest, this could describe me at any time of the day, from when I wake up to when I go to sleep. I’ve always been this way; I think way too much about others’ opinions, I’m terrible at giving presentations and I exacerbate the little things into problems that feel completely insurmountable.
A few words said in the wrong tone, hearing that a rumor about me is going around, seeing my best friend spend a lot of time with someone else or worst of all, seeing those dreaded texts from other girls pop up on my boyfriend’s phone—all of these things can drive me over the edge, inspiring irritability, excessive worrying and, oftentimes, nausea.
If you were in a class with me in elementary school, you might remember how every time we took an EOG, without fail, my stomach made loud, gurgling noises that led to weird looks sent in my direction and drove me to worry more about pressing on my stomach to stifle the noise than taking the test itself.
In middle school, I pushed myself to run for a leadership position in National Junior Honor Society, and while making my speech, I experienced one of the worst anxiety attacks of my life. I vividly remember the events of that day and how I skipped over a huge chunk of my speech to keep myself from crying on stage.
Yes, I realize that I sound like one of the most over dramatic and over-reactive people in the world, but the things I feel and the symptoms my body exhibits are simply inescapable, and no matter how hard I try to shrug things off, they persist unrelentingly in my everyday life.
Until a few years ago, I genuinely believed that these were normal problems the average person faced every day. I wasn’t able to ascribe my emotions to anything beyond simply labeling myself as “tense,” “fretful” or “antsy.” Getting up the courage to talk to my doctor about my symptoms, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and put on an anti-anxiety prescription that I was promised would help.
It’s two years later, and I continue to have days when I feel buried by my anxiety and can’t leave my bed. I continue to have trouble concentrating in class because my mind wanders to worrying. And more than ever, especially due to my terribly real case of senioritis, I have all-day stomach aches expedited by worrying about how I will ever finish the mountains of homework from my AP classes.
A lifetime lived with GAD has given me many tools for dealing with anxiety. By learning to take time for myself, pushing myself to situations outside of my comfort zone and finding real friends who simply listen, I have bettered my situation and strengthened myself for the inevitable sources of anxiety in my life.
– By Lanna Read